I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
