never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
