Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
