Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
