at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
