So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
