I'm going to jail i love you
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
