i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
