Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
