omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Randomize
