my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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