By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
