come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
