my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
