I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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