mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
