i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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