Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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