I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
