Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
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Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
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I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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