i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
