I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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