sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
