ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Randomize
