is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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