I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
