WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I lost the right to judge tonight
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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