Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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