we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
