Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
