That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
