Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
