Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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