There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
