burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
