just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
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