EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I need to align my fucking chakras
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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