I'm so fucking centered right now
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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