she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
You need a sexual gate keeper
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
