i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
