I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
