I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Randomize
