I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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