my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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