She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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