I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
