Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
