when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
