He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
