I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
