from now on my penis is your penis
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
