so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
