You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
