just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
