What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Im part way to drunk.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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