the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
