Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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