I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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