There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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