not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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