So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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