He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
and you fell through a lawn chair
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
