They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Randomize
