At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
