Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
