3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
is that a dick in a sweater?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
