Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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