I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
