It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
