just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
