No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
