Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
