try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
i've created a new STD.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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