what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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